revelation

ei guys,,, tinatamad akong magpost kaya ito na lang ang ipopost ko.
ito ung personal essay ko para sa journ....


It was a cool Monday morning. The sun’s radiant heat blanketed the ground as I went to my classmates. That day was our NCAE mock test. We were going to have an early dismissal. After dismissal, I was going to play Dota for as long as four hours. It was a perfect day. Or so it seemed.

Walking towards my classmates with a grin, I told them that I wanted to play DOTA for four hours. They agreed. It was settled.

We exchanged stories. My classmate and I told Firestar what happened when they were at our schoolmate’s house during their overnight. Nothing of much importance, it was generally all about DOTA. Also, we told him what we did when we went to Market-Market.

It was Firestar’s turn. He told us what he and Ares did during the overnight. It was fun hearing their stories about scaring our other classmates, their trip and the many other things not fit to be mentioned. They were all interesting until he mentioned something about her.

Suddenly, I received a hard blow. What seemed to be a cloudless sky darkens. Thoughts rushed, emotions jumbled, I stood. My soul, petrified. I knew this is going to happen. I just knew it. Mixed feelings surged through me. I felt so confused, so lost.

I felt upset at that moment. But the reason was uncertain. If you knew the story and my history, you would certainly think of only one reason. But to me, well, it is different. I did not know whether I was upset because he was telling a thing that should not be told, or was it because I lost the opportunity and Firestar accidentally took it.

That troubling revelation never left me. It stuck in my brain during the test. Every now and then, the conversation repeated itself and the same feelings surged through me. I could not concentrate on the test. Luckily, I finished the test.

After dismissal, we left to play DOTA. That game is the best damn thing I have played so far. That was supposed to make me feel better, but what the hell happened? We lost! Tempers flared from my allies as I did stupid things. I will not make excuses on this one. I admit. I am the reason we lost.

Then, we finally left. As we were walking towards the jeepney terminal, I asked Firestar to recount his experience again. His story was detailed from the start to the end. Even to the small details, he told us with accuracy. Pictures appeared in my mind. How I envied him.

As I lie in my bed staring at the ever present darkness of my room, I began to sort out my thoughts. It has been a long time since my mind has been troubled. The last time my thoughts confused me was when I was in third year, and what a coincidence, it was also because of her.

Today, I talked to her, once. It seemed like nothing happened. She just talked and smiled happily. But behind that jolly conversation, I saw a different side. A person in deep thought, she stared lamenting at emptiness. Whether it was because of the incident or the upcoming long test at Math, I did not know. I did not want to care.

The test was finally over. Our class went to the physics room. As the teacher talked and talked about things that have no importance, I caught glimpses of her. It was not done on purpose. My attention simply turned to her.

It was so unusual of her. She was so quiet. She occasionally talked to her friend but not with the same vibrant aura she usually has. Her voice, so weak, showed something had changed. I sensed her sadness, her sorrow. Then, I felt pity.

How ironic. I felt anger; I felt hatred, then pity? Why pity her? Do I not hate her? Why did pity grip me?

Tonight, I finally thought of the reason. It was not her fault, neither was it Firestar’s. I can not put anyone at fault of what have happened. It was an accident.

Still, there is a question left unanswered. Why am I upset? Is it because of desecration or envy?

I am not yet ready to answer this question.